Kirkby Malzeard From An American Perspective

There are a lot of American and part American families living in Kirkby Malzeard, so we were asked if we would contribute a small piece to the Web Site from our American perspective. We love living in Kirkby it's beautiful and peaceful with a high livestock to human ratio, yet there are still lots of amenities. The native Kirkby Malzeardians are very kind to us and sometimes even fond of us, in the way one is fond of an adorable, if not too bright child. Sometimes it appears that we don't quite catch what's going on. But it's not our fault (even though I can hear British readers think "yes it is!"), it's the language barrier. I don't know how many times I have been asked something by a British friend which has made me think, "now I understand every single word she just spoke, but I have no idea what she meant to say!". So I thought we might share a few of the differences in our languages that tend to throw us for a few crucial moments while we attempt to translate - thus making us look like dim-witted conversationalists.

American term "trash", British term "rubbish".

We have trash which we put in a "can". Our British friends put "rubbish" in a "bin", which is something we might keep large amounts of wheat or corn in, which we don't consider"rubbish" at all. By the way, that's "sweet" corn to the Brits.

American term "bangs", British term "fringe".

I personally do not discuss hair at all with my British friends, because it seems that every innocent term we have to describe our hair is some naughty British slang. The hair care professionals in this country must be a colourful bunch!

American term "eraser", British term "rubber".

Hmmn! Same as above but reversed. The British writer would be discussing pencil corrections. Maybe we should get our American editors together with the British hair stylists!

American term "band-aid", British term "plaster".

I cannot get out of my mind the idea of wet gooey stuff that will make a cast to splint a broken arm. Isn't that a bit drastic for a paper cut?

American term "cookie", British term "biscuit".

As much as our friends here accuse us (probably rightly) of being sugarholics, they put a lot more sugar in their biscuits than we do. Our biscuits are what they would call a scone, although their scones have sugar in and are eaten with a cup of tea, whereas our biscuits are unsweetened and eaten with fried chicken.

I could go on and on.

However somehow we muddle through our separate languages to (sometimes) understanding, and we usually have a good laugh while we're at it.

This "Letter from Americans" was written by Annette Larsen and Tami Allen, 30th November 1999.

We plan to update this feature regularly, so if you want to contribute please contact us at kirkbymalzeard@hotmail.com.